There are moments where I have felt so small this semester, that I find myself feeling so lucky to have classmates who have also been on the brunt end of that "tear you down to build you back up" mentality. It has helped keep me afloat for sure.
In the last eight years I have worked with individuals with developmental disabilities and children. So, I have worked with a lot of clients who were not afraid to spit angry or mean things my way, and I am pretty damn good at letting those things roll right off of me. But when it is a professor or a mentor, and it feels like they are constantly just breaking your spirit, I am at a complete loss of what to do.
So I have to keep reminding myself that even though it sucks, and it hurts my feelings sometimes, I am not any less of a person that I was before. I am only going to come out stronger (even if it is a little bit in spite of everyone who is making me feel so bad right now). Only I can make myself understand what I am worth. I need to start ignoring all the people who have made me feel otherwise these past few months, and remember why I am working so hard..... right? hahaha. Does that sound positive enough? Or maybe I'll just drink some cheap gas station wine and have a good cry about it.
Okay, sad vent over. Now lets get back to those positives of what I have been doing. The 22nd and 23rd of February I got to join over 300 other social workers (or social workers to be) for advocacy training and other activities. Monday, We got to listen to panel speakers about refugee issues, homelessness, about the Medicaid bill they're trying to pass here in Idaho, and about the reform of Idaho Department of Corrections (BTW, that is a pretty cool deal going on, if anyone is interested in the sweetness up in there). We also had "real talk" about racism, religion, and refugees with the CEO of the National Association of Social Workers, Dr. Angelo McClain and Idaho Senator Cherie Buckner-Webb (who is the absolute coolest, BTW).
Tuesday though, that was the best. We spent that day down at the state capital. A couple of my classmates and I ditched out on the boring intro stuff and went to watch a house bill be presented, after I was invited by my representative to come watch. The Right to Try Act (which was passed in the house, NBD) would give a terminally ill patient the right to try medication that has only passed through phase one of the FDA. I loved everything about the process and I have been thinking maybe policy making is where I want to head one day. There were other activities, but that was the highlight.
I decided to share a positive with my negative because even though I feel like I am drowning, with no solid support, I know I have to keep focused on what it is all for. What it is all worth. When it is this time... a year from now... on my last couple months of school. Maybe it will seem so silly how low I felt. Or maybe this time next year I will laugh and think, oh... you thought that was bad, this is way harder! hahaha. In my world of rainbows and sunshine, I occasionally have dark stormy clouds. I have to remember those lows to appreciate those highs.
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