10 days left...

I have an official 10 days left of school for the year. My first official semester of the social work program. One year left. WHAT IS MY LIFE?! In August I start my internship at the DRC on campus, and I could not be anymore excited. Are you guys sick of me talking about school yet? IDGAF. This is my world, and I am loving it the more I am involved.

Today I got accepted for the leadership program I applied for. Which, is here in Boise, but I had to write two essays and have references supporting me. AND over 50 women applied, and they only accepted 30. This is the first time I have ever tried to rise above my minimum requirements as a human being really. So uh this is a big deal for me, and I really cannot wait to spend a week of my summer meeting women in my community, meeting congress women, and creating friendships.

I truly hope this gets my foot in the door for future policy making and the potential for congress. Because as I told my father the other day, I am planning on being politician one day, cause this world needs more social workers ;)

It's all happening

Fun fact: Almost Famous is my all time favorite movie, and Penny Lane is amazing. In the movie they say "it's all happening" quite often, and its one of the most simple lines, but the truest. Right now, I feel like life is just happening, in all the best ways.

Yesterday I officially accepted a position for my internship at the disability center on campus. The interview was a little intimidating, it was four people interviewing me at one time. Apparently that happens according to my mother, but sitting at a big table and four people listening to my every word, and then judging if it was what they wanted to hear. That was terrifying. :) But I made it in. Woohoo!

It is also officially spring break, not that it matters because I am spending the entire time catching up on homework, but I do not have to go to class. We also had to promise one of our professors we would not think about school for one whole day, so uh... we'll see how that goes. ;)

Also in life, democratic caucus is this week, and it is the first time I will be attending such an event. I am really excited to be more involved politically, because this has to be the most terrifying presidential race I have been witness to. Also, Bernie is coming Monday!!!! That I am super amped on. What a great experience to listen to a level headed and wise candidate, in person. I love that he added Boise to his campaign trail. Anyway, I am not going to get super political on here because I hate those kinds of debates, especially with friends, and some of y'all are down right crazy. So I am going to leave it at that.

Speaking of politics, I am considering applying to take on the opportunity for a leadership program, where I get to fly out to DC for a week and get to network with local legislators and other female legislators, get to do mock legislation hearing, and do a day at the US capital (Seriously if you guys could see my face right now, I am terrifyingly excited). How sweet would that be!?!?! We have to pay for our own plane ticket, but everything else is covered. Ah, the more I think about it, the more excited I get. I just have to do it. It will be one of the coolest things in the world (oh dear god I am nerdy). And if I don't get it, I am going to Mexico instead. Where I will lay on a beach and drink away my sadness in the glory of sunshine and the best place in the whole world... the ocean. So either way I win. :)

When we return from spring break, we have one month left in the semester. THATS IT! I feel like we just got started. How is it possible that I am so close to my dream of being a social worker, yet so far away?! I cannot wait for summer, but I also kind of just want to get the schooling over with and start my career already!

I am just so amped up I need to go focus on my homework now. Or I will ramble for an eternity. Guys, it really is all happening. <3

You're not a mess

My world does not seem so dark and scary this week. I have taken a few days to bring myself back together, and not be pulled down by the negatives. With the support of my boyfriend and my mom, I have been able to feel less like I am drowning, and more like I am floating on a noodle (which are awesome by the way). So, today I have an interview for my internship for my senior year at the Disability Center on campus. I am super excited and incredibly nervous. Job interviews are one thing, but this is for everything, and I cannot afford to screw up. I also have another interview a week from today with Head Start. While I am freaking out inside, I am also super jazzed about starting my next semester. That is when it will all be real. I will no longer be this student, hiding behind my books and my computer screen, acting like a know anything. I will finally be able to do something for someone, something real.

Okay, I am done talking about school for a bit, because I feel like it is consuming my soul, and its like I seriously have nothing else going on. I promise, my world has a lot more than homework going on (I say as I just printed 5 rubrics for papers that are all due this month). :) I, after very little searching because I am a lazy ass, landed a new job. I started Monday and I love it already. My friend Nicole needed an assistant to help her with her office work, and I am lucky enough that she hired me. I have never done office work before, so I was concerned that I would get lost, but I seem to be catching on just fine. (psh, I am awesome). After taking a month off of work (which is glorious by the way, best decision I have ever made), getting back in to balancing my schedule out could get messy, but so far so good. I am glad spring break is around the corner to help out with that though. ;)

Oh hey also, my boyfriend and I are celebrating our three year anniversary at the end of this month. Uh, what? Me......... Natalya..... has kept a boyfriend longer than a month? I should have a book of Natalya's records, and mark this bad boy down. How in the world did I find a guy who puts up with me for this long? He might be a grouchy pants, but he is obviously very patient. We are thinking about doing a bit of gambling to celebrate, hahaha, because who doesn't like to throw their money away? No but for real though, how lucky am I to have someone in my life who puts up with me? He also feeds me all the time, so uh, who is the real winner in this relationship? Am I right?

I was just thinking about what it would be like if I video blogged instead, and I am pretty sure I would have just had a five minute rant about how I have a blackhead on my face. I hate blackheads. I also would have talked about how my nose piercing comes out much easier when my nose is stuffed up. Also I just stretched after doing an hour and a half of yoga last night, and this girl is sore. So I guess everyone should be thankful I don't vlog. Because I am a total weirdo.

Anywho, this week has been quiet, and relatively uneventful for me. Its that calm before the storm, so everyone get ready for more panicked and angry rants coming up. ;) You're welcome.

I've got highs, I've got lows

I found this quote yesterday, and I felt like it was something I needed reminded of.

There are moments where I have felt so small this semester, that I find myself feeling so lucky to have classmates who have also been on the brunt end of that "tear you down to build you back up" mentality. It has helped keep me afloat for sure.

In the last eight years I have worked with individuals with developmental disabilities and children. So, I have worked with a lot of clients who were not afraid to spit angry or mean things my way, and I am pretty damn good at letting those things roll right off of me. But when it is a professor or a mentor, and it feels like they are constantly just breaking your spirit, I am at a complete loss of what to do.

So I have to keep reminding myself that even though it sucks, and it hurts my feelings sometimes, I am not any less of a person that I was before. I am only going to come out stronger (even if it is a little bit in spite of everyone who is making me feel so bad right now). Only I can make myself understand what I am worth. I need to start ignoring all the people who have made me feel otherwise these past few months, and remember why I am working so hard..... right? hahaha. Does that sound positive enough? Or maybe I'll just drink some cheap gas station wine and have a good cry about it.



Okay, sad vent over. Now lets get back to those positives of what I have been doing. The 22nd and 23rd of February I got to join over 300 other social workers (or social workers to be) for advocacy training and other activities. Monday, We got to listen to panel speakers about refugee issues, homelessness, about the Medicaid bill they're trying to pass here in Idaho, and about the reform of Idaho Department of Corrections (BTW, that is a pretty cool deal going on, if anyone is interested in the sweetness up in there). We also had "real talk" about racism, religion, and refugees with the CEO of the National Association of Social Workers, Dr. Angelo McClain and Idaho Senator Cherie Buckner-Webb (who is the absolute coolest, BTW).

Tuesday though, that was the best. We spent that day down at the state capital. A couple of my classmates and I ditched out on the boring intro stuff and went to watch a house bill be presented, after I was invited by my representative to come watch. The Right to Try Act (which was passed in the house, NBD) would give a terminally ill patient the right to try medication that has only passed through phase one of the FDA. I loved everything about the process and I have been thinking maybe policy making is where I want to head one day. There were other activities, but that was the highlight.

I decided to share a positive with my negative because even though I feel like I am drowning, with no solid support, I know I have to keep focused on what it is all for. What it is all worth. When it is this time... a year from now... on my last couple months of school. Maybe it will seem so silly how low I felt. Or maybe this time next year I will laugh and think, oh... you thought that was bad, this is way harder! hahaha. In my world of rainbows and sunshine, I occasionally have dark stormy clouds. I have to remember those lows to appreciate those highs.

The beginning of my journey to my truest self

I am in my spring semester, of my junior year, getting my BSW in social work. I was just accepted prior to the start of the semester, and let me tell you something, you do not even know how hard school is until your entire future is hanging right there in front of you. One thing they teach you over and over in this field, is the importance of self care. We are all going to take on roles that are going to be stressful and emotionally demanding, so I thought blogging would be a great way to share thoughts, feelings, and be a helpful reminder to me about my dreams and goals-- and why I am working so hard.

So here I am, 27 years old, chillin with all these bright eyed young kids... and I am exhausted. I feel like the first twelve years of school doesn't prepare you for nothing. That's right, I said nothing, because if I have to think about grammar and APA format for 5 more seconds... I might explode.

I have spent the last month and a half thinking about my future, what I need to do to be more professional, and how I am supposed to change to fit my new future role as a social worker. Yesterday, I was thinking about how I wanted to add local senators, representatives, and the director of the Idaho Department of Corrections as friends on Facebook. If you could see my face right now, it was be a confused and panicked look. I am torn between wanting to forever be irresponsible, posting pictures of me and my friends playing beer pong, and droppin the F bomb like I love. Or making people from my professional life part of my personal life, dressing in something that is not jeans and a 8 year old ratty t-shirt, and adding important leaders in our community on my Facebook so we can talk prison reform and introducing bills.

I cut my hair last week, chopped 10 inches off this bad boy. My conflicting worlds tell me this. I can make this new look wholesome and professional, wearing light or neutral colors of make up, and slacks with a pretty blouse. Or I can curl it, rat it, put on heavy amounts of black eyeliner, and join a biker gang.

I swear if this program beats me, and I have a mental breakdown, I am going to look so BA.

Anyways, I am writing this because (lets face it, well all like to talk about ourselves, am I right?), but also because I think my fellow cohort can have a good laugh, know they are not alone in their struggles, and maybe inspire them to do something similar. Because nothing makes me feel better, than a good vent session. OH and a beer. Cheers my friends.